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Archives
Curtis: Over Two Decades Experience With Angry Belligerence
Thursday, August 31, 2006
It's Like Going To A Football Game and Cheering For A Team That Isn't Playing. Or Wearing A Fancy Dress To A Funeral. Or Setting Fire To Julie Andrew's. It's Irritating But It's Obvious.
Last night in the place, then due to the fact that I have no money I'm moving home. Should be interesting after 4 years in the city, well at least I'll have money. No that's a lie because I'll spend it anyway.
Last night in the place, then due to the fact that I have no money I'm moving home. Should be interesting after 4 years in the city, well at least I'll have money. No that's a lie because I'll spend it anyway.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Were You Aware Before 1920, Women Used To Call Election Day "Stay Home and Cook Day."
Well I had a couple thoughts today, kind of hurt actually. The kind of thoughts that tell you exactly what your problems are and how to get over them, now I tend to have these a lot but it never seems like I can act on them but this time I think I might have to because the consequences of ignoring these things are becoming increasingly aggrivating to me. For example, a girl I probably could have been dating if I had tried harder is now dating somebody I would consider an enemy, and arch enemy at that! As in of all the people in the world I know, this is the guy I would least want a girl I cared about to date. And this is the second time it's happened, with the exact same guy! What are the odds of that happening exactly? It can't be high by any means. On the other hand, if that's not fates way of telling you to get your ass in gear then I don't know what is so maybe I should stop complaining and fucking do something so that I never have to see this happen again. It's just too bad I'm so much better at complaining then acting, maybe I just need a swift kick in the face.
Well I had a couple thoughts today, kind of hurt actually. The kind of thoughts that tell you exactly what your problems are and how to get over them, now I tend to have these a lot but it never seems like I can act on them but this time I think I might have to because the consequences of ignoring these things are becoming increasingly aggrivating to me. For example, a girl I probably could have been dating if I had tried harder is now dating somebody I would consider an enemy, and arch enemy at that! As in of all the people in the world I know, this is the guy I would least want a girl I cared about to date. And this is the second time it's happened, with the exact same guy! What are the odds of that happening exactly? It can't be high by any means. On the other hand, if that's not fates way of telling you to get your ass in gear then I don't know what is so maybe I should stop complaining and fucking do something so that I never have to see this happen again. It's just too bad I'm so much better at complaining then acting, maybe I just need a swift kick in the face.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Because They Can't Grab Me If I'm On Fire.
So here's a pretty good wake up call. I was laying in bed trying to fall back to sleep when I hear somebody running towards my room. My mom bursts in a manages to get out that she's choking. Now having not taken first aid in years and never having dealt with this, I'm not really the best person to be trying to heimliche but I don't really have a choice. Anyway between doing it, and her managing to clear it enough to cough it turned out okay. Needless to say sleep was no longer an option, and I should probably go get recertified.
So here's a pretty good wake up call. I was laying in bed trying to fall back to sleep when I hear somebody running towards my room. My mom bursts in a manages to get out that she's choking. Now having not taken first aid in years and never having dealt with this, I'm not really the best person to be trying to heimliche but I don't really have a choice. Anyway between doing it, and her managing to clear it enough to cough it turned out okay. Needless to say sleep was no longer an option, and I should probably go get recertified.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Once Again the Conservative, Sandwich Heavy Portfolio Pays Off For The Hungry Investor!
How the hell did chocolate ever catch on?
Seriously, I have no idea what made people want to eat it to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, but that's today's chocolate that's actually sweet, tasty and delightfully bad for you much like anything else that tastes that good. But the original stuff was dark, and gritty as I've recently found out. My friend had a 86% dark chocolate bar the other day, so I tried some only to discover that it was almost like eating a piece of chalk. Then I tried a piece of the 99% stuff, which somehow actually managed to be more chalky then chalk itself, in both taste and texture.
So who first ate this stuff and thought "Oh man that was tasty.I have literally never tasted something that melted in my mouth like that." And then who came up with the idea " You know what would be great, if we put this stuff in with that white stuff we get out of cows bottom, man that would be sweet."
How the hell did chocolate ever catch on?
Seriously, I have no idea what made people want to eat it to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, but that's today's chocolate that's actually sweet, tasty and delightfully bad for you much like anything else that tastes that good. But the original stuff was dark, and gritty as I've recently found out. My friend had a 86% dark chocolate bar the other day, so I tried some only to discover that it was almost like eating a piece of chalk. Then I tried a piece of the 99% stuff, which somehow actually managed to be more chalky then chalk itself, in both taste and texture.
So who first ate this stuff and thought "Oh man that was tasty.I have literally never tasted something that melted in my mouth like that." And then who came up with the idea " You know what would be great, if we put this stuff in with that white stuff we get out of cows bottom, man that would be sweet."
Friday, August 11, 2006
I'm A Heroine Addict, I Only Have Sex With Women Who Have Saved Somebodies Life.
Well I'm trying out a sake set my friend Brian brought me home from Japan. Maybe it's an aquired taste.
Well I'm trying out a sake set my friend Brian brought me home from Japan. Maybe it's an aquired taste.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
What Would Batman Do?
Nothing like a night long drinkingfest done all by yourself to make you want to drink a little more. Uggh.
Anyway so the other week we got the dog high. Not on purpose for sure, but it was definatly due to people who lived here that the dog did indeed get fairly high. You see there is a tin where old joints are placed in case they might be needed at sometime in the future, when desperation runs high. Thanks to a fairly steady supply of pot this need is rarely every tested and because of this a high number of smoked joints was available in the tin.
Normally this would be fine, but if you have a dog who seems to be attempting to systimatically chew on every last piece of matter in the universe you might have a problem.
So Reese got into the tin and proceded to have his fair share of marijuana. And by fair share, I mean that he had more then a reasonable sized adult with a history of using it would have needed to get completely baked.
The results were amusing, for a couple days he had red eyes and stumbled around in an incoherrent fashion. Ran into a couple walls, doors and other objects he would usually have been able to get away from. Good times. Hopefully not times to be repeated but still it was amusing nonetheless. So now we just have to get him drunk.
Aside from that, women suck. They just suck. I don't mean that in any vaguely sexual way either, they just suck, or in other words
No wait that doesn't make sense. Suck
Son of a bitch!
Alright, one more time
Cross the Rubicon? Alright I have no idea what the hell this thing is talking about. So I will present my own definition
Main Entry: Suck
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: To be terrible
Synonyms: Bite, blow, incur the giant fisting of doom.
And having arrived at that, let us examine the other part of the equation, again using my own definition.
Main Entry : Women
Part of Speech: noun
Definition : Of the the less intelligent, more retarded gender.
Synonyms : Crazy, loco, batshit fucking insane, without sense of any kind, a parasite that should be contained, without logical thought of any kind, a conundrum the likes of which Hawking, Einstein, Newton, Aristotle, Jesus, Buddha, Allah and every other goddamn other thinker on the planet couldn't figure out if they had all eternity, which some do as they are deities and are immortal.
Oh well at least I'm not alone in that.
So in a completely unrelated note, at least as far as getting dogs high goes, man am I ever getting sick of women. Completely.
And for any indignant women who might read this, yes men are stupid too, but they're not the ones I care about right not.
So here's the overall experience I have with women, summed up in an easy to understand manner.
"Hey there's Curtis. Fuck him, that's what."
Now with some women I have this.
"Hey there's Curtis, he's kind of cute, maybe I should fool around a bit, well I'm bored, let's find somebody better!"
Admittedly I'm not exactly what you would call a catch, in fact I probably deserve a girlfriend about a million times less then I deserve a swift kick in the face. But the problem is that I see tons of guys who get women who are only about as good as me, and are less willing to recognize it. Isn't it worth something that I know I suck? Evidently not, but goddamnit I think that it should be.
In any case, I think the lesson I'm gradually learning is just to give up. Never try and get a girl, ever. They are insincere and after something most likely. Hell if they are literally throwing themself at you then you should resist because it's probably a trick or at least they will get bored and go on to something else soon enough. At least that's what would happen to me.
Other people may have better luck, but I have no luck, no charisma, and no hope. Only through the acceptance of this no hope can I be happy, or at least not always sad. Hope is a trap that fools fall into, gray is the new white!
Curtis
Nothing like a night long drinkingfest done all by yourself to make you want to drink a little more. Uggh.
Anyway so the other week we got the dog high. Not on purpose for sure, but it was definatly due to people who lived here that the dog did indeed get fairly high. You see there is a tin where old joints are placed in case they might be needed at sometime in the future, when desperation runs high. Thanks to a fairly steady supply of pot this need is rarely every tested and because of this a high number of smoked joints was available in the tin.
Normally this would be fine, but if you have a dog who seems to be attempting to systimatically chew on every last piece of matter in the universe you might have a problem.
So Reese got into the tin and proceded to have his fair share of marijuana. And by fair share, I mean that he had more then a reasonable sized adult with a history of using it would have needed to get completely baked.
The results were amusing, for a couple days he had red eyes and stumbled around in an incoherrent fashion. Ran into a couple walls, doors and other objects he would usually have been able to get away from. Good times. Hopefully not times to be repeated but still it was amusing nonetheless. So now we just have to get him drunk.
Aside from that, women suck. They just suck. I don't mean that in any vaguely sexual way either, they just suck, or in other words
| Main Entry: | absorb |
| Part of Speech: | verb 1 |
| Definition: | drink |
| Synonyms: | blot, consume, devour, drink in, imbibe, ingest, ingurgitate, osmose, plim, soak up, sop up*, sponge up*, suck in*, swallow, take in |
| Main Entry: | attract |
| Part of Speech: | verb |
| Definition: | fascinate |
| Synonyms: | allure, appeal to, bait, beckon, beguile, bewitch, bring, captivate, charm, come on*, court, drag, draw, enchant, endear, engage, enthrall, entice, entrance, exert influence, fascinate, freak out*, grab, hook, induce, interest, intrigue, inveigle, invite, kill, knock dead*, knock out*, lure, magnetize, mousetrap*, pull, rope in*, score, seduce, send*, slay*, solicit, spellbind, steer, suck in*, tempt, turn on, vamp, wile, wow* |
Alright, one more time
| Main Entry: | bite the bullet |
| Part of Speech: | verb |
| Definition: | endure pain bravely |
| Synonyms: | cross the Rubicon, leap into the breach, seize the opportunity, suck it up |
Cross the Rubicon? Alright I have no idea what the hell this thing is talking about. So I will present my own definition
Main Entry: Suck
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: To be terrible
Synonyms: Bite, blow, incur the giant fisting of doom.
And having arrived at that, let us examine the other part of the equation, again using my own definition.
Main Entry : Women
Part of Speech: noun
Definition : Of the the less intelligent, more retarded gender.
Synonyms : Crazy, loco, batshit fucking insane, without sense of any kind, a parasite that should be contained, without logical thought of any kind, a conundrum the likes of which Hawking, Einstein, Newton, Aristotle, Jesus, Buddha, Allah and every other goddamn other thinker on the planet couldn't figure out if they had all eternity, which some do as they are deities and are immortal.
Oh well at least I'm not alone in that.
So in a completely unrelated note, at least as far as getting dogs high goes, man am I ever getting sick of women. Completely.
And for any indignant women who might read this, yes men are stupid too, but they're not the ones I care about right not.
So here's the overall experience I have with women, summed up in an easy to understand manner.
"Hey there's Curtis. Fuck him, that's what."
Now with some women I have this.
"Hey there's Curtis, he's kind of cute, maybe I should fool around a bit, well I'm bored, let's find somebody better!"
Admittedly I'm not exactly what you would call a catch, in fact I probably deserve a girlfriend about a million times less then I deserve a swift kick in the face. But the problem is that I see tons of guys who get women who are only about as good as me, and are less willing to recognize it. Isn't it worth something that I know I suck? Evidently not, but goddamnit I think that it should be.
In any case, I think the lesson I'm gradually learning is just to give up. Never try and get a girl, ever. They are insincere and after something most likely. Hell if they are literally throwing themself at you then you should resist because it's probably a trick or at least they will get bored and go on to something else soon enough. At least that's what would happen to me.
Other people may have better luck, but I have no luck, no charisma, and no hope. Only through the acceptance of this no hope can I be happy, or at least not always sad. Hope is a trap that fools fall into, gray is the new white!
Curtis
