213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN

I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.

Why the hell are there so many Facebook applications that are retarded? Every other day I seem to be bitten by a Vampire, mauled by a werewolf, run over by a cyborg ninja donkey, nooggied by a ghost rooster or something else ridiculously stupid. Why would I want to become any of these things? If I'm going to kill people to drink their blood, use them as food or eat their brains then I want to do it for fun, not necessity.

And the fight application that allows you to fight others with the outcome depending on popularity. What the hell is this, professional wrestling?! If I fight somebody then it's not going to depend on how popular they are because I'll kill every idiot standing in between me and my target. Maybe a couple that aren't, you know, just for giggles.

And the drink application. Digital alcohol is even more pointless then non alcoholic beer, and that's saying something.

Plus all the other stupid ones that are filling up peoples accounts so much that my computer is running slower just trying to view it all. My computer already runs slow enough people, it's like 6 years old at this point.

So in closing, most things you can add to Facebook are gayly retardaqueer. And the ice in my water bottle looks like a penis.

I wish I'd gone to more orgies!

The thing I like most about sweltering heat is how you can wake up in a pool of your own sweat. Mmmm, sweatpool!

Days like this should only be spent at the beach, by everybody. Corporate employees, students, emergency crews, everybody. Whatever deities reign over this little ball of mud should make everything okay for the day so that everybody can enjoy the water. Because swimming is about the only thing I want to do, and man does it ever make you feel better. Not in a sissy little bathwater warm lake but in a nice cool ocean. And people who don't live by a good body of water should miraculously find themselves near one. I went for two swims today and it was the only part of the day I enjoyed, with the rest of it just feeling like a heaping helping of hell.At least I have tomorrow off, and the day after as well. I think I'll see if I can rig up a safe way to sleep in the water.

Work is not a fun place to be on days like this. Everywhere I go it's a different temperature, and I mean EVERYWHERE. It's different outside, in the lobby, in the break room, 5 feet away from where I'm currently standing. Everywhere. My body is going to crazy trying to adapt to 30 different temperatures. I almost prefer it just a constant hot.

At least on these days I actually get my daily recommended allotment of water and they make you appreciate the better days that much more.

I have Saturday off; I think I'll spend it at the beach. Who wants to join me?

Save me Buddha, Jesus, Spongebob! I can't be picky!

I wonder what Christians would think if aliens came down to earth and infromed them that Christianity is right. God exists and he created everything in exactly the way the bible says it happened. On the one hand, here are creatures that have mastered space travel and are likely millenia ahead of us in technology so they probably have more insight into the way the universe works. Because of this we could assume many people would accept their explanation and other religions would see their numbers decrease as people flocked to the right faith. On the other hand, we're supposed to be the only creatures created in Gods image and finding out that we're not even the most advanced of their creations kind of blows away several important tenets of the Christian faith.

I've seen both Transformers and Harry Potter recently and both were good. Harry Potter was missing about 43124 things from the book but otherwise it was entertaining. Now I want to see a crossover. Voldemort say hello to Optimus Prime; let's see your sissy little avada kedavra matched up against 10 tons of transforming steel and awesomeness.

And of course any movie would benefit with the inclusion of a sniper pony, but that's always a given.

Self improvment is masturbation. Now self destruction....

Transformers is so awesome that it makes me think everything would be better if it could transform into something else. Stoves that transform into fridges, cats that transform into dogs, Cleary that can transform into somebody that's not an asshole, everything would be better.

Though I still think there were too many humans in the movie. It's called "Transformers" not "Humans and their transforming friends". I see plenty of humans in real life.

But it was awesome despite that. And the humans were probably Michael Bay's fault anyway, he always misses the real point and if you don't believe that you should watch Pearl Harbour and hear the song about how he misses the point.

I just had my first weekend off that I've ever had without a special request, well at least since I started working. Reminds me of school where the weekend was the only thing worth looking forwards to. Good times. Now I imagine it will be another 6 years or so before it happens again so I should really learn to cherish them. And love them and hug them and call them George.

There's no place like.... I want to be a witch!

There's comes a point when I'm really tired where I start to feel kind of weird and giddy. Almost like being drunk.

That point has come.

I'm sitting here and I'm torn between a desire to lay down and a desire to prance around like a moron, or something to that effect.

But on the plus side I have two days off after I get through this and with the first one I'm seeing Transformers, and with the second probably getting drunk. Or maybe I'll get drunk for Transformers, I wonder if Transformers can get drunk? That wouldn't be a good scene, they do enough damage when they're aware of their actions. A stumbling Tranformer could take out a city block in no time at all.

And then Harry Potter comes out, both in movie and book form the next two weeks. His broom should be a Transformer, then he'd kick some ass.

But the important point here is that I'm tired and silly, and possibly gassy...but I'll be 501.8 times better in 3 1/2 hours. 502 and would have just been unreasonable.

Take it from a blacksmith, that girl's trouble

My work is funny, one night you're busy keeping drunk people out and nearly getting into fights and the next you're sitting at a computer bored because you can't think of anything on the internet you really have left to look at. Facebook only amuses me for so long, there's not a whole lot of content on other peoples sites. Maybe if I had more friends, but I hate adding people unless they've told me specifically to add them.

And there are only so many times you can play solitaire before you want to throw a keyboard through a window in frustration. Trust me on that one.

And you might say "Hey Curtis, you could do your job". But on nights like this there's not much job to do. Sure there are some things, but aside from walking around every once in a while to make sure nothing is on fire there's not a whole lot. If only more things caught on fire.

Maybe I should start setting things on fire so I'll have something to do, I've always wanted to try a fire extinguisher out and burning books is always fun as I recall from the old days of school. And we even have hoses! I could be just like a fireman, both the standard and the Fahrenheit 451 version.

Or I could antagonize drunks into taking a swing at me. I don't think the cameras have audio so as long as they throw first I'm all set.

Or most likely I could sit here humming and making up new lyrics to preexisting songs and other mindless ways of passing the time.