213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN

Stop telling me to go to hell!


To antique car owners:

Hey guys, I know you’re jazzed about the whole actually being able to drive your car thing. And who can blame you really. Here they've been cooped up in your garage all winter/spring/fall/anytime it’s anything other then perfectly sunny and now you want to do the driving equivalent of jerking off by driving slowly everywhere you go so the people can see you with your fancy ride.

And it is so very fancy. I mean it's slow, bad on gas, likely to come apart in anything worse then a slight breeze and looks like something Hitler was probably being carted around in from death camp to happy camp.

But here's the thing, the rest of us who drive real cars that can actual do over 70km/hr and not the 50 your engine seem to top out at might actually like to get to our destination a wee bit quicker because we don't have the time/money/complete abject stupidity, to purchase and operate one of those fine motor vehicles that you cart yourself around in. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that maybe you should pull off the road for a minute and let the 15 cars behind you by.

Because otherwise, someday, I WILL FINALLY FLIP OUT AND KILL YOU, YOU RICH DINKY DRIVING LITTLE ASSHATS!

Thanks for your time.

Jesus hung around with prostitutes. He must have STD's

You know what I hate? The gay pride parade.

And before you assume I'm a homophobe, let me explain.

I also hate the million man march.

And before you assume I'm a racist, let me explain.

I would also hate the white straight man with blond hair and green eyes march if it existed.

And before you assume I hate straight white men with blond hair and green eyes (which is me, for you slower types) let me explain.

Pride, one of the seven deadly sin. according to a sermon from ages ago. I have no beef with pride. If you are good at something, take some pride in it. Don't ever be so full of pride that you are assuming you have nothing left to learn but feel free to feel good about it.

But being gay is something you're born with. Same as if you have white skin, black skin or a skin that is in between (though white skin is really more of a beige and black more of a brown). Or if you like men, women or anything in between! (Andrew, looking at you here).

The point is that if you're born having a certain sexual orientation, or certain skin colour... or certain eye colour or certain hair colour you should never be proud of that. And nor should you ever be ashamed of it. The way you are born is something you can never control so you should never worry about it. It will always be your actions that count And quite honestly I can't see any power worth believing in would be any different.

God: Well you started an orphanage for the disenfranchised, you became a doctor so you could cure cancer and you devoted your life to helping those in need. But you're gay, hell for you!

So my point is don't be proud, never be ashamed, but being proud about differences can only ever lead to separation.

The Simpsons are going to Antarctica Next year.

What's the point of diet pop? Do people really think that somehow taking out the suger has made pop healthy or something? Or that by drinking the diet it will somehow counteract those 5 big mac's you just inhaled. Really if you're going to have something unhealthy just friggin do it and stop being a dumb ass moron.

Some people claim that they like the taste of diet better. These people are delusional. It's the same thing as people convincing themselves that they're not fat, just big boned. Or that their lives problems are everybody else's fault but their own. Denial does not make it so, diet still sucks.

Same goes for light beer. People who drink it should be eaten by a panda bear. Which incidently aren't actually bears.

You see, this is what having a job with so much free time forces me to do.

I er Ah

The greatest thing about brain damage is that it can solve any problem you can possibly get into. Got broke up with? Wham! Couple shots from a bat and you won't even know it. Are being indited for fraud? Wazaw! Drink until you don't even remember the incidents. Have a big test to prepare for? Hurkunk! Watch Titanic a couple times and you won't even remember you go to school, let alone have a test. It will all be lost in a sea of poor acting and plot holes.

And right now I'm trying to drink and bash some things out of my memories. Like how anybody I ask is completely unwilling to do me a small favour that can barely be classified as a favour. Or how everything lately seems hellbent on giving me a rage induced stroke. Yet I seem to be unsuccessful at this, much like every other fucking thing I attempt!

Yay!

I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to repeatedly slam a blunt object into your head in hopes of somehow causing enough brain damage to forget what's pissing you off? Or slam your head on a hard surface if you prefer, same principle really.
Well most days are like that for me, and when I dream usually I manage to dream about things that piss me off too, because god only knows that I can't let myself be happy for any length of time.
I think the real problem is people, or more specifically that people annoy and enrage me. I don't think they mean too, I just think that I have high standards for people around me and apparently they're unreachable.
Like honesty, try to be honest. I know we all lie, but overall I'd rather hear a difficult truth then suger coated lies and misdirections. Or directness, I want people to just say things, not hint at things. And if people want me to go to hell and die then they should tell me so because that way I don't have to waste my time trying to be friends with them.
That's one of the things that's really annoying me lately. I feel like there are lots of of people who don't want anything to do with me but just can't come out and say it. It would save me a lot of trouble for trying to be their friends when that's not what they want, and a lot of irritation. Plus it makes sense for both parties, I can stop bothering them and they don't have to constantly put up with me. Everybody wins. And it's not like I can't understand people wouldn't like me. I'm ill tempered and abrasive after all.
But on the plus side I do have a job that allows me to get in all the internet usage I need. Except porn and gambling. Apparenly there was a cop here once that was looking at porn and nobody really cared, I'll just wait until it they're here again and blame them.